Red Kimono, Grey Heart
by GemmaKat
Summary: Sakura Takahashi is now a member of the 3rd Division, but can she fit in with the Shinigami she has spent a lifetime mistrusting? Will she ever learn to embrace and control her power, or will it consume her as she fears? Help comes from an unlikely source
1. Chapter 1

Bleach Fic 2, Chapter 1

_Author's note: This is a sequel to my first story 'Descend, Heaven's Cloud of Doom!'. It's not necessary to read that first but it does contain back story that is referred to frequently throughout this fic. I wrote this one because I really wanted to know how Sakura would find her place within Soul Society. I've also just started watching the Arrancar arc in the anime, and I realised how much Ikakku Madarame is a great, fun character to watch. I wondered if he'd be as fun to write. Turns out he is._

_I hope you enjoy this!_

The sky is blue and clear above Soul Society, fluffy white clouds moving lazily to the east, pushed by a gentle breeze. The trees that flower are already in bloom, branches laden with the white, pink, and crimson blossoms that occasionally release a petal or two, letting them drift to the perfectly green, perfectly soft grass.

On the roof of one of the Seireitei's massive building sits a tall young woman, arms behind her as she stretches out her legs. Long white hair cascades down her back and wide violet eyes look up to the sky, watching the clouds travel by. Part of her longs to go with them.

"He wants to see you."

The young woman sighs and glances at her companion, Shunsui Kyoraku, Captain of the 8th Division of the 13 Protection Squads. She notes his trademark pink haori, embroidered with delicate flowers and blossoms, and his large straw hat, which casts shadows across his ruggedly handsome face.

"I know."

"So, you're ignoring him, Sakura?"

Sakura Takahashi, unranked Shinigami of the 3rd Division, allows herself to fall backwards on the roof, her arms behind her head and weary eyes fixed on the impossibly blue sky. She brushes a pale strand of hair out of her face.

"I don't know. Maybe."

Kyoraku watches her from beneath his hat.

"I thought you were making progress. He speaks highly of you."

The young woman snorts derisively.

"I've hated the dream of him all my life, Shunsui. And then I actually have the chance to meet him, and he's so. . . nice."

She frowns, eyes clouded with thought.

"He's nice, and honourable, and _strong._ And I know I should try harder to rebuild whatever relationship we might have, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to let go of the idea of him."

Shunsui Kyoraku watches her in silence, his usual expression of good-natured amusement absent from his face.

"He talks about my mother. I never know how to respond."

"He's your father, little Sakura. And he misses her deeply."

Her eyes darken.

"So do I."

She raises herself into a sitting position and looks at her companion and confidant.

"Just give me some time, Shunsui. That's all I ask. Things are hard enough as it is."

The older man pushes back his hat and raises an eyebrow.

"Oh, don't pretend you don't know." She exclaims. "I don't fit in here."

"Ahh." He lowers his hat, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "You don't even try."

"Untrue!" The woman snaps back.

"Just look at how you insist on dressing." Kyoraku gestures at her body, and Sakura looks down, frowning.

"It's just yoga pants and a t-shirt. I was practising earlier."

He sighs, shaking his head, though he's still smiling.

"You're in Soul Society now, Sakura. We do not wear such clothes. Why don't you wear the dresses I buy for you?"

She laughs, face lighting up attractively.

"I think those would be even more unsuitable, you old pervert! If I show that much cleavage, Matsumoto might assume I'm a rival for most scantily clad and buxom female."

Kyoraku laughs, leaning forwards and clasping one of her hands.

"An old man can dream."

Sakura shakes him loose, smiling.

"You're a dog."

"That I am."

He leans back.

"What about the kimonos Jushiro buys for you?"

Sakura's smile fades at the mention of her father, Jushiro Ukitake, Captain of the 13th Division.

"It would be a nice gesture, Sakura." Kyoraku's voice is soft but there's a hint of steel to it that she knows well.

She looks at the sky and then back at her unofficial mentor, and friend.

"Okay." She stands, stretching out her long, lean body and wincing slightly as the tight skin at her neck throbs painfully.

"It still has not healed?" Kyoraku is suddenly standing before her, fingers gently feeling the livid scar at the base of Sakura's throat, left by a device that almost killed her, and all of Soul Society.

She pushes the older man's hands away impatiently, and pulls the collar of her t-shirt up to hide the ugly wound.

"No. I doubt it ever will. But, enough of this. You," she wags a playful finger under his nose, "have duties to attend to, which I am sure Nanao will agree with."

Kyoraku smiles widely at the mention of his attractive, bookish vice-captain.

"I'm sure we'd get more done if only she agreed to come drinking with me."

Sakura laughs.

"You old liar. You know damn well you'd get nothing done, other than making passes at Nanao. And that's why she declines your offers!"

She swats him on the arm.

"I need to go shower, and then, yes, I will put on something more 'appropriate'." Her voice is scornful but her eyes smile at him.

"Why don't I accompany you?"

"To the showers?" Sakura raises an eyebrow. "You're the same age as my father! Give it a rest, Shunsui."

"Never." His eyes sparkle.

Sakura shakes her head, laughing, before kissing him on the cheek, dodging his playful grab for her, and then running off, leaping from roof to roof as she makes her way to her quarters.

Shunsui Kyoraku watches her leave, his eyes thoughtful, a small smile on his face.

"Ahh, Sakura. You never make things easy for yourself."


	2. Chapter 2

Sakura swears under her breath, pulling her wet hair up into a severe bun with impatient hands, whilst running across the wooden corridors that lead around the Shinigami academy. She'd lingered in the shower, head down, thinking about the past few months. It seemed impossible to believe that her life had been changed such a short time ago.

She'd lost her mother as a small child due to her abilities; abilities that were largely uncontrolled, and therefore posed a risk to Soul Society, or so the Shinigami in charge had believed. Her 'kind', the offspring of tremendously gifted humans and Shinigami, were outlawed, and her mother killed in the resulting mob. Sakura had been taken to the human world, passed around from foster family to foster family, until finally she'd left at age thirteen, set upon vengeance. Eleven years later, and her search led her to Karakura Town where she had fallen in with a crowd of spiritually gifted high school students, and the Shinigami who assisted and watched over them.

She wasn't the only being attracted to the unusually high spiritual pressures in the town; the Bount, a race of immortals who sustained themselves on the souls of humans, had also arrived, and their leader, Kariya, had set his sights on Sakura. He had his own plans for vengeance and, using a device he had stolen from the Technology building in Seireitei, he tried to use Sakura to destroy all of Soul Society. Her friends, led by the orange-haired substitute Shinigami, Ichigo Kurosaki, had managed to save her. And then Captain Yamamato, head of the 1st Division, had asked her to stay in Seireitei as a Shinigami. And she'd agreed.

She was no longer sure why she had done so. At the time, full of relief to be seeing a new day, new respect in her heart for the Shinigami who had risked their lives to save her and, yes, full of desire to learn about her father, she'd felt that perhaps the sins of the 13th Divisions' past should not be held against them today. She'd been filled with hope; hope for a future no longer fuelled by rage, hatred, and a need for vengeance. Learning that her father had not abandoned her mother, but had in fact been deceived himself, had taken the wind from her sails, and the part of her that would always be a lost little orphan longed to be with him, to build a relationship and have a family to call her own.

But, in the last few months, she'd come to realise how very different she was from the Shinigami who lived and trained here. It wasn't just that she'd lived as a mortal for so many years, nor that her powers tended to be unpredictable. It was a fundamental _mistrust._ She'd spent her entire life hating them and they, in turn, had been taught to distrust Ryoka, to be wary of strangers. They had nothing in common, and Sakura was sensitive to the sideways glances, sneers, and wide berth that the other Shinigami gave her as she walked around the Seireitei.

Not everyone avoided her, but those who weren't mistrustful of the strange new recruit were often too busy to spend any real time with her, and so her sense of alienation had grown. It hadn't helped that Renji Abarai, vice-captain of the 6th Division, and her closest friend, had come to visit her less and less lately. Oh, he still returned from his mission in the human world to see her, but he only ever came with Rukia, never alone, and Sakura began to feel like maybe she'd misjudged the situation. He was her friend, yes, but nothing more. It made her heart ache.

She'd taken to wearing her human clothes more and more as if solidifying her difference. If people wished to avoid her, maybe she should make them fear her, too, and so she'd grown quiet and reserved, only ever fighting during training, and only when requested to. It was only when she was alone that she really allowed herself freedom, and she'd taken to spending hours out in the woods and other secluded areas where she could train in peace, away from prying eyes that were so quick to judge her unusual abilities.

Now, pulling a red silk kimono over a pair of black leggings and a crop-top, Sakura races towards her next training session, which was sure to be as boring as the last. She was just tying her white sash, head down, when she collided with a hard body. She staggered back, looking up into a formidable face.

The high noon sun glinted off the top of the man's totally smooth, bald head. Two red marks highlighted his narrowed eyes, and a look of constant irritation and bad-temper made him seem utterly terrifying.

"Oh, my apologies!" Sakura practically danced around the man who she recognised as a member of the 11th division, known for their love of fighting and easy provocation. She knew she should stop but was already 10 minutes late.

She had almost slipped by when a strong hand grabbed her arm.

"Stop." She did, turning around to face the 11th division squad member.

"This is the girl, Yumichika?"

Sakura finally noticed the slender man to her left, and turned to face Yumichika Ayasegawa, 5th seat in the 11 division.

"Ayasegawa. It's a pleasure to see you again." Sakura bowed formally before the Shinigami she'd once dragged out from a cave-fall that surely would have crushed him to death.

The vain man, of unusual beauty (or so he said), brushed at his blue-black hair and nodded, his eyes suddenly narrowing as he noticed the clothes she wore beneath her half-open kimono, the sash having come untied.

"What on earth are you wearing, Takahashi? That is certainly not beautiful."

She sighed. "They're comfortable. Good to wear for training. Not everything has to be beautiful, you know."

The man shook his head, the coloured feathers on his right eye and eyebrow swaying gently.

"What a silly thing to say."

Sakura sighed once more and turned to face the bald man who still held her arm in a vice-like grip. Her eyes were questioning, but his fierce expression stopped her from speaking.

"You are Abarai's friend?" He asked.

She nodded hesitantly.

"Yes."

"I'm Ikakku Madarame. I thought we should meet."

Sakura frowned, the expression creasing the usually smooth skin between her wide violet eyes. She opened her mouth to speak when, a little way along the corridor, a dark head popped out.

"Sakura! You're late again! Get in here before vice-captain Kira hears about this!"

The young woman sighed, and disengaged herself from Madarame's grip.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. It was a pleasure meeting you." She rushed off, paused, gave the men a hasty bow, and then disappeared into the training room. As the door closed behind her, they could hear her being chastised.

Ikakku stood with one hand on his Zanpakuto.

"She's quite beautiful at times." Yumichiki said, adding haughtily, "though I do not understand why she does not work harder to maintain her looks."

"Not everyone is a vain bastard like you, Yumichiki." Ikakku responded gruffly.

Yumichiki seemed unfazed, merely shrugging elegantly.

"So, now you have met her, what do you think?"

"I think," Ikakku began, face dark, "that she is hiding something."

A wide, terrifying grin lit his fierce face.

"But it shall be fun finding out what."


	3. Chapter 3

Sakura stood alone in the training ground behind the main academy building, left to dismantle the targets as a punishment for being tardy. She had almost finished packing the items away when a male voice greeted her.

"Hey, Sakura!"

She looked up, face already breaking into a huge smile.

"Renji!" She started to run forwards and then noticed Rukia Kuchiki standing slightly behind him and paused, her smile faltering ever so slightly.

The crimson-haired man strode forwards, coming to stand before her with his hands in the pockets of his Shinigami uniform casually, though he smiled down into her eyes.

"You being punished again?"

She beamed at him. "Rules are made to be broken, right?"

He laughed, flashing that almost goofy grin of his.

"I see you're still the same."

He pulled her into a bear hug, and Sakura wondered if this was the hug of a friend, or more like how a brother would hug his sister, or even if it meant something else entirely, and all the while she cursed herself for it.

"Hello, Sakura. How have you been?" Rukia asked, wide dark blue, almost purple, eyes gazing up into Sakura's face. The tiny Shinigami female was almost half her height.

"Rukia, it's good to see you. I'm fine, thank you. How are Ichigo and the others?"

Rukia smiled. "Good. They asked after you, and told me to pass along their greetings."

Sakura couldn't help but smile as she thought about her friends back in the human world.

"You two staying long? Want to get some lunch?" Her eyes wavered between the two, though they hovered a little longer on Renji's handsome, tattooed face.

"We have to meet Captain Kuchiki, but we'll see you again tonight."

Sakura tried not to let her face fall at this.

"Oh, okay."

Rukia was already turning away, eager (and nervous) to reunite with her adopted brother, the regal Captain Byakura Kuchiki. Sakura opened her mouth to speak with Renji but the tall man noticed his friend leaving and went after her. He threw a wave and a smile over his shoulder at Sakura as he did so.

"Later, Sakura!"

She lifted a hand in a feeble wave. "Sure, later."

Lowering her head, she picked up the boxes laden with the targets and headed into the academy.

After packing them away, she went into the large hall that served as a dining room during meal times for the huge Shinigami academy. It was almost empty now, sparse groups of happily chatting people sprawled around the room. Sakura pretended she didn't notice the way so many of them stopped to stare at her as she collected some of the remaining food on offer and sat down at an empty table.

She ate in silence, her mood dark as she thought about Renji. And Rukia. She knew the two had a history and that they considered each other family despite Rukia's adoption into the noble Kuchiki clan, but was there more to it than that? She thought not on Rukia's part. She'd seen the way the woman looked at Ichigo and sometimes wondered if she cared for him more than a friend and mentor should. But what about Renji? He certainly seemed to follow Rukia's lead, and she knew he'd worked so hard for his position so that he could be closer to her once her adoption placed her far above his station.

She sighed, pushing her food around her plate, her appetite diminishing. She was being stupid, she knew that, and that just made her even angrier.

A shadow fell across her table and she looked up into the faces of a small group of Shinigami trainees. She'd seen them around many times, though she couldn't remember their names. They knew her, however.

"Oi, Sakura!" The tallest of them, a boy with spiky black hair and a self-assured look on his face called rudely.

"Can I help you?" She asked politely, eyes on his face.

His upper lip lifted slightly in a small sneer.

"What's with you, anyway?"

She blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

Some of the other men in the group sniggered a little, and she gazed at their faces before turning back to the young man who was now leaning over her table.

"We hear all about how you break into Seireitei with that Bount, and we know you had something to do with that huge explosion. Old man Yamamato takes pity on you, and you can't even get into a seated position? What's the matter? Is the legend greater than the reality?"

She frowned up at the boy.

"I don't see what this has to do with you."

He scowled. "You're favoured! We all know Captain Ukitake is your father, and you're always hanging out with Kyoraku. We," he gestured at the men behind him and everyone else in the hall, who were watching silently with owlish eyes, "had to work to get accepted here, but you _ryoka_ break in and get everything handed to you. And you don't even bother to turn up to practice!"

He leaned down further, until his face was mere inches from hers.

"You think you're better than us, but you're just human trash."

Sakura's eyes lowered, noting how his right hand was already gripping the hilt of his sword.

"I see." She looked into his eyes, and then headbutted him.

Faster than the others could follow, she leapt onto the table, spun gracefully, and kicked the boy who was now gripping a broken nose that was dripping blood onto his uniform. He flew across the room, only stopping when he collided into the adjacent wall.

There was a blur and Sakura was suddenly heaving him up by his robe, lifting him until his wide, furious eyes were level with hers.

"I might be mostly human, but I can still kick your ass."

He scowled, lashing out with his fist, forcing Sakura to leap back. She raised an arm, closing her hand into a fist, but was halted by a firm grip on her wrist.

"Enough!"

She turned to face vice-captain Izuru Kira. A triangular swath of thick blond hair obscured one of his eyes, and the other smouldered fiercely.

"Fighting, in the dining hall? What are you two thinking?"

The boy with the broken nose bowed stiffly. "My apologies, sir."

Sakura pulled her arm away.

"Whatever."

Kira stared at her and then looked around the room.

"And who instigated this?"

The boy looked suddenly worried but he needn't have been. Sakura shrugged.

"I did."

"I see." Kira continued to stare at her face. "Come with me, Takahashi. We need to talk."

Stifling a sigh, Sakura followed her commanding officer, refusing to look back at the Shinigami who had provoked her, though she could feel his gaze boring into the back of her head.

The two of them walked silently along the corridors of the great building, before walking out into the courtyard. Kira turned to her.

"Even if he provoked you, Sakura, as I suspect he did, you should not fight with the other students."

She shrugged again, as if dismissing the idea.

Kira's eyes hardened. "You might be a member of my squad now, Sakura, but you are still expected to attend the same classes that we all did. Your tutors tell me you're increasingly tardy."

"Am I failing?"

"No, but none of your tutors feel you're fulfilling your potential."

"Which is?" She glanced at him. He moved closer to her, voice lowered.

"I saw you achieve bankai. I know what you're capable of. Why have you stopped striving, Sakura?"

She sighed and looked up at the sky.

"What am I striving for?"

The blond man blinked. "To improve. To advance. To fight."

She snorted and looked at him askance. "To fight? I thought I was not supposed to fight."

He frowned at her. "Don't be smart with me, Sakura. You know what I mean."

His eyes suddenly softened. "I hear Renji has returned from the human world. Why don't you talk to him about what's bothering you?"

Sakura looked at her commanding officer and mentally shook herself. He was not the cause of her discomfort, or anger, and she should not treat him unfairly.

"My apologies, sir." She bowed formally, and then smiled at him. "I will try harder."

He nodded, eyes watching her face closely. Then he left.

Sakura watched him go, her expression troubled once more. She knew she'd lied.

She was gloomily returning to her room when she was accosted by a pair of huge breasts.

"Sakura!" A womanly voice trilled, and Sakura looked past the breasts that were threatening to suffocate her up into the face of Rangiku Matsumoto, vice-captain of the 10th Division. They'd met, briefly, in the human world during a Bount attack but the older woman now greeted Sakura like a long-lost friend.

Sakura smiled at the attractive Shinigami. With her pink sash, beautiful Zanpakuto, and long, wavy strawberry-blonde hair (not to mention her killer rack), Rangiku was undoubtibly one of the most beautiful and striking women Sakura had ever met. She was strong, too, despite her playful, carefree, and sometimes ditzy behaviour. Now, the woman, equal in height to Sakura, squeezed her happily.

"Renji is back from the human world, so a few of us are going to be drinking tonight. It'll be a party! You should come."

Sakura opened her mouth to decline and then realised that maybe a night of carefree drinking was just what she needed to unwind.

"Who else will be there?"

"Oh, some of the other vice-captains. Just friends. No captains, so we can let loose!" The stunning Rangiku Matsumoto nudged Sakura in the ribs, her breasts bouncing dangerously close to Sakura's face. The younger woman stepped back before she found herself the victim of a black eye.

"Okay." She suddenly felt almost shy.

"Excellent!" Matsumoto exclaimed, clapping her hands together with glee. "Now, let's find you something to wear!"

She grabbed Sakura's wrist and dragged the wary girl forwards.

"Uhm, I have my own clothes."

"Yes, but this is a _party_, and you want to impress Renji, right?" Her voice was sly. Sakura fought down a blush.

"I don't know what you mean."

"Right, right." Matsumoto winked at her. "Either way, we should still make an effort. Oh! I have some new make-up, you'll love it!

Sakura was dragged forwards, largely against her will.

Well, she mused, this is certainly a distraction. . . .


	4. Chapter 4

Night had fallen over the Seireitei, and all was quiet except for one courtyard on the very edge of the large complex. Paper lanterns hung from the long wooden porch and the trees that grew tall and windy amongst the grass, lighting the outer walkways and the square of the courtyard that was currently filled with laughing voices.

Renji Abarai, his back resting against a gnarly tree, took a swig of sake and handed the bottle across to his friend, Ikakku. The bald man downed the entire bottle, tossing it aside. Izuru Kira, sitting to Renji's left, sighed and went to fetch another bottle from the chest someone had seen fit to bring. He took a long draw and then tossed the bottle to Yumichika, who held the stem of the bottle as if it was something dirty. He past it to Ikakku, removed a small silver flask from the sleeve of his robe, and daintily took a sip.

Shuhei Hisagi, vice-captain of the 9th division, drank from his own bottle of sake before rubbing at his short black hair and gazing up at the night sky.

"It's peaceful tonight."

"Not for long." Renji muttered, taking another draw of sake.

The dark-haired Hisagi, with that distinctive 69 tattooed on his cheek, didn't even glance at Renji.

"You have no class, Abarai."

The crimson-haired Shinigami grinned widely.

"Class is overrated."

"Speaking of class," Kira said, "Where is Rukia Kuchiki?"

"She's staying at Byakuya's tonight." Renji seemed non-plussed.

"Hello boys!" A loud female voice suddenly interrupted, and Matsumoto came into view, waving at them from the nearby wooden walkway. Sakura walked quietly behind her.

"We bring gifts!" The strawberry-blonde trilled, face alight with happiness, huge bottles of sake gripped in each hand.

The men looked at her, mouths falling open.

"What the hell are you wearing?!" Renji finally croaked.

Matsumoto looked down at herself, her full lower lip jutting out in an attractive, sensuous pout.

"I borrowed it from Sakura. You don't like it?"

"Uhm. . ." The men seemed to have a hard time responding.

Sakura smirked to herself. She'd finally been able to stop Matsumoto's attempts at a makeover by persuading her to try on some of Sakura's own clothes. Matsumoto now wore a pair of skin tight black hot pants, and a red halter-neck that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. The women were the same height but, although Sakura was gifted in the chest area, she was no where as large as her friend. But Matsumoto had insisted the outfit was perfect (perfectly scandalous, anyway).

Sakura stepped into the light and waved at Renji. She was wearing loose black yoga pants and a t-shirt that kept slipping off one shoulder, exposing her pale skin. It covered the livid scar at her throat, however, and that was all she cared about.

"Hey Renji." She took one of Matsumoto's bottles and sat by her friend.

Renji nodded at her.

"You met Hisagi before?"

Sakura looked at the spiky-haired Shinigami and frowned.

"I think so. Weren't you there that night the Bount attacked with their dolls?"

He nodded. "It's good to see you again, Sakura. You're looking well."

"Ah!" Renji sneered, waving a hand a little drunkenly. "You're always so formal, Shuhei. Drink more. Loosen that stick in your ass."

Sakura laughed.

"Renji, you're so fucking rude."

He snorted. "Look who's talking."

She rolled her eyes, took another swig of sake, and then mock saluted Kira.

"Hey, boss. You having fun yet?"

He smiled. "Don't think you're off the hook, Sakura."

Matsumoto bounced down into the space between Kira and Hisagi, and looked between him to Sakura.

"What's this?" She waggled a finger at her friend, leaning forward and exposing enough cleavage to scandalise a nation. "Are you in trouble, you naughty girl?"

Renji frowned. "What's going on?"

Sakura took a long draw of her drink and shrugged.

"It's nothing. I got in a fight today."

Renji put down his drink and turned to her, face serious.

"With who?"

"Some punk who was mouthing off."

She smiled as Renji roared with laughter. He put an arm around her.

"Glad to hear it!"

Kira shook his head.

"Don't encourage her, Abarai. We don't want her to be as useless as you."

Renji grinned fiercely. "Nothing wrong with fighting your way to the top. Ya gotta have respect." He gave Sakura a squeeze and she smiled a little weakly.

"Still, she's really not trying as hard as she could be. . ."

"Hey!" Sakura waved a hand. "'She' is right here and came to get drunk, not lectured. You think you could pretend you're not my superior for a few hours, Kira? Or am I gonna have to kick your ass, too?"

The others fell about laughing. Kira smiled and shook his head. "Alright, alright. Someone hand me some more sake. . ."

Hours later, stars twinkled in a cloudless sky and the group had sprawled out as the alcohol hit their systems. Sakura was lying on her back, eyes closed, drifting in and out of wakefulness as her body buzzed pleasantly due to the bottle of sake she'd polished off with Renji. The grass under her was cool and a soft breeze occasionally ruffled her hair. She certainly didn't feel isolated surrounded as she was now by the sounds of laughter and the slow glug of the remaining sake being consumed.

"Hey, Sakura. What's with that ugly scar of yours?"

Sakura, who had been dozing, woke at the sound of her name.

"Wha'?" She murmured, unwilling to open her eyes.

"The scar on your neck. How did you get it?"

She raised a hand and touched it, frowning.

"Ikakku, you bastard, don't ask such rude questions!" Renji yelled from where he was reclining to the left of her.

"Yeah, baldy, have some respect." Kira mumbled, also lying down with his eyes closed.

"Who did you just call 'bald'?!" Ikakku yelled, clambering unsteadily to his feet and scowling at the recumbent Kira, who flipped him the bird lazily.

"Why you. . ."

Matsumoto laughed, pushing herself into a sitting position, her cheeks flushed from the drink.

"You're so bald, Ikakku, if you stand with the stars behind you, you look like the moon!" She howled with laughter, and the others joined in; teasing the enraged man just to see him react.

Sakura, who had been half-listening to this suddenly spoke up.

"I think it's kind of sexy."

Silence fell in the courtyard but the drunken Sakura barely noticed.

"My first boyfriend was a skinhead." She sighed happily. "He used to do this thing with. . .," she stopped, suddenly noticing how quiet everyone had become. She opened one eye and felt that they were looking at her with a little too much interest.

"Hmm. Y'know, I think the sake has loosened my tongue a little." She got to her feet, surprisingly steady despite how fluffy and pink her head felt. "Good night, fellas, Matsumoto. It was fun."

She saluted the group and turned to leave. Renji clambered to his feet.

"I'll walk you back."

She smiled. "Thanks."

Matsumoto caught her eye and winked lasciviously. Sakura shook her head and laughed.

"What?" Renji asked.

"Nothing." Sakura smiled.

They walked in companionable silence. When they at last came to her room, Sakura smiled up at her friend, noticing how the orange light from the lanterns made his pale skin glow. She wasn't sure he'd ever looked so handsome, though maybe that was the sake talking.

He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, gazing into her eyes intently. Her heart beat faster.

"Sakura," the crimson-haired Shinigami began, expression intent.

"Yes?" She breathed, eyes fixed on his mouth.

"Ikakku tells me that you've attracted Captain Kenpachi Zeraki's attention. You need to be careful."

Sakura blinked. She certainly hadn't expected _this._ She pulled away from Renji and leant against her door.

"Oh. Right. Careful. Sure. Uhm." She gazed up into the handsome man's face and cursed herself for being so childish. Of course Renji was all business. He was her friend, yes, but nothing more.

"Thanks, Renji." She reached forwards and touched his cheek softly. "Good night."

And then she slipped into her room and leant against the door until she knew he was gone. Her eyes stared into the dark of her tiny quarters.

"It was stupid to have hoped." She whispered, before falling into bed and letting the sake rushing through her veins lull her into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

The following morning, Sakura woke late. She had a rare day off and had promised herself that she'd get a few unpleasant chores out of the way before practice in the evening.

She took a bath, letting the hot water and steam ease her pounding head, before downing a large glass of water and dressing. She chose a beautiful midnight blue kimono with a cream sash, and gazed at herself in the mirror, frowning. Her long white hair fell down her back in one long wave, and her violet eyes glowed with uncertainty. She took a deep breath, and walked outside.

The cool breeze helped clear her head further and, by the time she reached her destination, she didn't feel hung over at all. She stood before a tall building within a beautifully maintained courtyard, complete with a stream that seemed remarkably clear and fresh. She raised a hand to knock on the double doors and paused, uncertainty filling her. Maybe she didn't have to do this today. . .

The doors slid open suddenly, and Sakura looked up at the 3rd seats of the 11th Division, Kiyone Kotetsu, with her short pale auburn hair, and Sentaro Kotsubaki with his slightly gruff face and mannerisms. They blinked in surprise and then smiled expansively.

"Miss Sakura! I shall alert the Captain of your presence." Kotsubaki said formally, bowing stiffly.

"No, _I_ shall tell him." Kotetsu responded, already turning to run back inside.

"No, I will do it!" Kotsubaki raced after her, and Sakura sighed, shaking her head, and entering the building, closing the doors behind her to keep out the breeze. Captain Ukitake could be fragile when it came to his health.

She followed the sounds of the two Shinigami squabbling, and found her father seated at a small table, large books spread atop its surface.

"I'm sorry to disturb you." Sakura murmured, eyes on the floor.

Ukitake smiled, pushing thick strands of his white hair from his eyes.

"It's good to see you, Sakura. You're looking well."

"Isn't her kimono wonderful?" Kotetsu said excitedly. "She looks beautiful!"

Sakura opened her mouth to thank her but Kotsubaki was not to be outdone.

"I have always said how beautiful Miss Sakura is!"

"As have I! And I helped choose that kimono at the Captain's request!"

"Well, I have helped choose ten kimonos!" He shot back, voice rising.

"I've chosen hundreds!"

The two were head to head now, scowling at each other with their hands balled into fists.

Sakura raised a hand to cover the smile on her face. Ukitake caught her eye and shook his head.

"_Thank you_, you two."

The noisy Shinigami immediately dropped into deep bows before rushing out of the room, squabbling in quiet voices.

"They are . . . interesting." Sakura said.

Her father looked at her. "You do look beautiful in that kimono."

She blushed, picking up one of the books he had laid before him to distract herself from her sudden awkwardness.

"What has caught your interest?"

"Oh, nothing in particular. I merely grew restless."

She looked at the older man. "Are you still feeling unwell?"

He shrugged as if ill health was nothing new to him.

"A little."

"I could send for Hanataro. He's an excellent healer." Sakura knelt by her father, concern in her eyes.

He smiled gently at her.

"No. I shall be fine after a few days rest."

"Oh." She looked down at her hands, clasped in her lap, white hair falling into her face. Silence filled the room.

Ukitake touched her hand suddenly, and she looked up.

"Kyoraku tells me that you're unhappy here."

She blinked, shook her head. "I just don't fit in."

"Are you trying?"

She sighed angrily. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"I didn't mean anything by it, Sakura. I just. . worry."

The awkward silence returned. Sakura looked around the room for inspiration and then remembered her conversation with Renji the night before.

"What do you know about Captain Kenpachi Zeraki?"

Ukitake glanced at her sharply. "Why?"

Sakura shrugged. "Renji mentioned that I'd come to his attention. What does that mean, exactly?"

Ukitake frowned. "It means he heard about what happened with you and the Bount, and he's intrigued by your power. You should be careful."

"Why?"

"What do you know of the 11th Division?"

She shrugged once more. "They love to fight; live for it. They claim to be the strongest of all the thirteen protection squads."

"Yes," Ukitake nodded. "Kenpachi is the strongest of them all. The only thing he loves is fighting. Nothing else is of interest to him. He will only accept the strongest Shinigami to his squad. He refuses to fight with anyone who he deems beneath him. His is the only Zanpakuto that is permanently released."

Sakura's eyes widened. "Is that even possible?"

It was Ukitake's turn to shrug. "His spiritual pressure is enormous. He has even had a special device, consealed in his eye-patch, made to hold back the vast majority of his spirit energy, and it's said he has only ever removed it a handful of time. Most recently when he fought Ichigo Kurosaki."

"He fought Ichigo?" She breathed, thinking of the remarkable fifteen year old human boy who had achieved bankai in a mere few days of training. "Who won?"

"It was a draw."

"Oh." Sakura looked at her father.

"So, he wants to fight me?"

Ukitake smiled and touched her hand. His fingers were cool.

"I suspect not. If he did, he would have challenged you by now. No, it sounds merely as if he is interested to see what you can do. Has any of his squad approached you?"

"Well, I have met Ayasegawa before, and yesterday I met Ikakku Madarame."

"What did they say to you?"

She frowned. "Well, Ikakku merely introduced himself, and then later a group of us were drinking together." She blushed suddenly as she remembered what she'd said.

"What is it?" Her father asked with sudden concern.

She shook her head. "Oh, nothing. I just remembered why I don't usually drink, is all."

The older man chuckled.

"I take it you're having some fun, then, when you're not getting into fights?"

She looked at him. "Oh, so you heard about that?"

"I did. Sakura," he leant towards her, fingers sliding around her own. "I know things are awkward between us, and you're finding it difficult here, but you just need to give it time. I know you can belong here, if you'll just allow yourself."

"And what exactly does that mean?" Sakura stiffened. "Are you saying I'm being difficult?"

Ukitake sighed. "Not at all. I merely think you're a little hard on yourself."

Sakura bit back a retort. It was so easy to be angry with him. She had been her whole life, after all. But, she reminded herself, she was supposed to be giving him a chance and she knew, deep in her heart, that she wasn't really trying.

"I'm sorry. . .father." She almost whispered the last word. "I don't know why I feel the way I do. Something just hasn't felt right since the Bount attack."

His eyes softened.

"Does the scar still hurt?"

"Everyday."

She sighed, and then rose.

"I should get back. I need to do a few hours of practice before night falls."

Ukitake nodded and got to his feet. He looked for a moment as if he might embrace her but settled for placing his hands on her shoulders and gazing warmly down into her upturned face.

"Take care of yourself. You're doing fine."

She nodded, forced a smile, and left. He watched her go, his expression a little sad.


	6. Chapter 6

Sakura swung her sword down, slicing the target in half. She was sweating, breath ragged, but she kept on fighting. Her duel Zanpakuto made short work of the wooden targets she'd erected, and so she worked on her routines; the ones Urahara had taught her all those months ago.

She thought of it like dancing. You needed perfect balance and grace and, when you found it, the sensation was pure, fierce joy. She leapt, twirled, and ducked; swords racing through the air, body working hard as she pushed herself further and further. The more she did so, the more she felt her spirit energy grow, until she felt like it was pressing against the backs of her eyes, against her skin. She stopped, closing her eyes, fighting the sensation back, fear in her heart.

"Why did you stop?" A gruff voice called out, and she whirled around to see Ikakku Madarame step out from between the trees, his Zanpakuto held casually across his shoulders, reminding her of Ichigo.

"I didn't notice you there."

"Your first mistake."

She blinked, opened her mouth to respond, and then his sword was racing towards her. She dodge and parried, panting at the effort. He was fast.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

He grinned, looking distinctly feral.

"Yes, get angry!"

He lashed out at her again, and she swung her swords in unison. He stopped them with an easy gesture, using both his sword and its sheath.

"What do you want?"

"I want to know what the hell is wrong with you." He snarled, bald head glinting as he spun suddenly, almost managing to slice at her side.

"What do you mean?" She gasped, fending off his attacks as best she could.

"Renji tells me you've achieved bankai, and yet you fight with no passion in class. Even when you train alone, you never allow yourself to progress."

"You've been watching me?" Her voice was incredulous. Then, noticing what appeared to be an opening, she feinted to the left and then swung her swords, aiming for his right side. It was a trap, and he knocked her swords from her grip with shocking ease and grabbed her wrists, yanking her towards him.

"What are you so damn afraid of, Sakura Takahashi?"

She glared into his eyes, the red marks beside them, his slightly pointed teeth, and his wide, almost maniacal smile, making him appear as a demon to her. She let her anger rise and lashed out at him with her feet, forcing him to release her. Leaping backwards, Sakura somersaulted through the air, landed by her swords, collected them and lunged, all in one seamless gesture.

Ikakku parried, steel crashing on steel, and laughed.

"Show me what you're made of, Sakura!"

She growled and fought with renewed vigour, ignoring the aching in her limbs. Ikakku was unbelievably fast, and revelled in the fight; laughing, smiling, his face a mask of fierce joy. No matter how hard she fought, Sakura was aware that he was always one step ahead of her. He'd deflected yet another attack when she felt her spiritual pressure rising. She paused, trying to fight it back.

"Don't!" Ikakku slashed at her. "Don't let your guard down, girl."

She rolled, missing the edge of his sword by mere millimetres.

"You don't understand." She gasped, her chest aching. Spots danced before her eyes and her arms trembled with the effort of keeping her power under control.

Ikakku spun towards her, the sheath for his sword smacking into her right side. She felt one of her ribs crack and cried out, raising her swords instinctively to defend herself.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Wrong question!" The mad man snarled, launching a series of breathtakingly fast attacks that forced Sakura back until she was panting and straining to keep up. Finally, as if bored of this game, Ikakku struck Sakura in the stomach with the flat of his sword, winding her and forcing her back. The air around him blurred and suddenly he was behind her, using his swords sheath to knock her legs out from under her. She fell to the ground heavily, and then he was on her; knees pinning her wrists to the ground so that she could not raise her swords; one arm across her throat, making it hard to breathe.

She glared up at him hatefully.

"You do not ask 'why' in battle." He hissed, eyes narrowed. "There is no 'why' other than that you desire the fight itself. You should not search for meaning in all that you do, Sakura."

She struggled, ineffectually, beneath him.

"What is the point of fighting for no reason?" She managed to croak.

He laughed in her face. "Fighting _is_ the reason! The joy of battle is all a true warrior needs to keep striving." He lowered his face until they were almost nose to nose.

"I know you feel that joy, Sakura. I see it in your eyes before you start to hold back. What is it that you're so afraid of?"

Sakura glared up at this strange, usually reticent man, her mind spinning. What _was_ she afraid of?

Everything. She was afraid of everything now. Afraid that someone or something would push her to the edge and, once more, she'd release her power. She'd worked so hard all those months ago with Urahara; putting her mistrust in others aside and trusting that he would teach her how to control her powers. And she had, for a time, but then that damn Bount, Kariya, came along and made her feel like a small, lost child again. All her training failed her, and he'd manipulated her so easily, as if she were a puppet on strings. In an instant, she'd lost everything that mattered:_ control_. And now she was afraid. Not just of what might happen should she lose her grip on her own power, but of the _feelings_ that accompanied it; hate, loathing, agony, _regret._

Her eyes were wide, she was breathing heavily, and sweat was dripping into her hair. Ikakku's eyes gazed fiercely into hers. She could not bear to be weak in the face of such strength, and turned her face away.

He released her, standing nonchalantly as if nothing of importance had occurred, and sheathed his sword.

"Return here tomorrow at the same time."

He left. Sakura rolled onto her side, gazing out across the grass.

She barely slept that night, her head filled with a million thoughts she did not wish to dwell upon. She awoke early, was careful to dress appropriately for class, choosing a silky grey kimono that seemed to match her mood, and walked outside into the bright morning sky.

There was a large group of Shinigami trainees milling about in the training courtyard, all of them early and eager for the class to begin. Sakura stood a little away from everyone, eyes clouded with thought.

She heard running footsteps behind her and turned to see Renji. The crimson-haired man caught his breath quickly and grabbed Sakura's shoulders. She blinked in surprise.

"Renji, I thought you'd have returned to the human world by now."

He ignored her. "Is it true Ikakku picked a fight with you yesterday?"

She paused, unsure of how to respond, and Renji shook her, causing her cracked rib to throb with pain. She gasped and clutched her side. Rudely, Renji grabbed her kimono and pulled it open, his hands reaching inside to feel the livid bruise that spanned her entire right side.

"Renji!" She screeched, clutching at her clothes. "What if I hadn't been wearing something beneath this, huh?" As always, though, she had her usual crop-top and yoga leggings beneath.

Renji's eyes were black with anger.

"He did this to you?"

"Oh, stop it!" She yelled, pulling her kimono closed and tying her sash angrily. "Just what squad was it you trained in, Abarai? Oh yes, the 11th! The one for people who love to fight; who live, breathe, and die in service with their zanpakuto in their hand! And you're upset because your friend is true to his nature?"

He blinked, confusion in his eyes, before the anger came racing back, making him lean down and yell at her.

"He shouldn't be pushing you around! You're not ready!"

"And who the hell are you to say that, Renji Abarai?!" She was really screaming now, matching his anger easily. "I will decide what I'm ready for, and I don't need the likes of you interfering! So quit yelling at me and fuck off!"

She turned away from him, coming face to face with the group of students staring at the pair with wide eyes.

Renji grabbed her arm.

"Sakura, wait. . ."

She shook him loose and stormed through the crowd.

"And just what are you looking at?" She snapped irritably at those nearest to her. "Aren't we supposed to be in class?"

As if on cue, their tutors began to walk out into the courtyard and the group of Shinigami trainees fell into formation, Sakura and her screaming quite forgotten.

When she'd cooled off enough to glance back at where Renji had stood, she was not surprised to find him gone.

Good, she thought bitterly, and focused her mind on the class.

Sakura was careful to attend all her classes that morning and was early to all of them. Her mind was elsewhere, however, and she was so focused on her thoughts that she forgot to hold back as much as usual, totally unaware of the looks of shock she received from the other students, or the pleased nods of her tutors.

At lunch, sitting alone again, she was surprised by the arrival of the Shinigami she'd fought with the day before. He looked at her with grudging respect.

"Thanks for taking the fall yesterday."

She shrugged. "I escalated the situation."

He sat across from her.

"I'm Taro Kin."

"Sakura Takahashi."

"I know."

"Right."

She looked at the young man before her and placed her chin in her hand, elbow on the table.

"Tell me, Taro Kin, why do you want to become a Shinigami of the thirteen protection squads?"

He told her and, as he talked, others from his group came to sit with them. Sakura asked them the same thing, hearing similar stories repeated over and over. They wanted to escape from Rukongai, they strived for more, they had personal tragedies that made them vow to become stronger. They all had _purpose_.

When they had finished, they asked Sakura to tell them about the Bount, and she did. She answered their questions as honestly as she could, though she pretended not to hear the ones enquiring about her past. By the time lunch was over, a few of the others had invited Sakura to train with them in the evenings, and she politely declined, thinking of Ikakku, although she promised she'd catch up with them at lunch the next day.

Her head full of others peoples histories, Sakura sailed through the afternoon classes, all the time thinking about whether she should meet Ikakku again that night. Her ribs ached terribly, and she decided that it would be best if she stopped by the 4 Division headquarters to be healed before she met with the strange, fierce man again.


	7. Chapter 7

Night began to fall on Seireitei, the orange-red orb of the sun sinking beyond the horizon as the sky turned a deep, dark blue. Sakura stood beneath a tree laden with blossoms and waited, listening to the crickets humming in the long grass.

Ikakku stepped into the small clearing, one hand on his Zanpakuto. The setting sun reflected off his perfectly smooth head, and Sakura thought of the jokes the others made at his expense. It seemed suddenly impossible to view Ikakku as a man you laughed at.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come."

"You think I'm a coward?" She shot back.

The tall man rubbed his smooth head and laughed, lips pulling up in a sneer.

"I think you're smart." He flashed her that demon-like smile. "But, yeah, you're a coward, too, Sakura."

She pushed off from the tree and walked forwards, sweeping her swords out to the side and moving easily into a position of alert readiness.

"Shut up and let's do this."

He laughed, the sound roaring out of him, and then he lunged so fast that she almost didn't see him in time.

Her swords collided with his, which meant. . .

"Damn it!" She hissed, barely dodging Ikakku's attack with his swords sheath.

He laughed in her face as she leapt back. She scowled, concentrated, and flash-stepped towards him, but he was faster and was prepared for her attack when it came.

They fought for what felt like a long time, and Sakura knew he was just playing with her. Beads of sweat lingered on her forehead, tendrils of white hair sticking to her damp skin. She was breathing heavily, and the familiar ache in her chest as her spiritual pressure began to rise wasn't helping.

Ikakku, eyes glinting demonically, lunged at her with a barrage of lightning-fast sword strikes. Sakura parried as best she could, but his final few thrusts made it through, and the quiet clearing was filled with the sound of ripping cloth as he sliced her right shoulder and left arm.

She staggered back, head hanging slightly as she panted. One sword pointed at her opponent, Sakura used her free hand to feel the wound on her shoulder. It was deep, and her arm was already trembling as it weakened.

"Bastard." She hissed. "I thought we were sparring."

He smiled at her, though it wasn't pleasant.

"Idiot. Haven't you realised yet that every fight should be approached with your total resolve?"

A small smile lit Sakura's face, barely visible beneath her long hair, which had fallen forwards.

"My resolve, huh?"

She looked up, eyes flashing. There was a blur in the air and then she was beside Ikakku, one sword at his throat, the only thing preventing it from cutting his skin was his own swords sheath, which he'd moved just in time.

"Better!" He yelled, almost crowing with delight, before lashing out with his sword. Sakura dodged it easily and came back in an instant. The two fought in a series of blindingly fast flash-steps. The quiet, wooded clearing rang with the sound of steel on steel.

And all the time Sakura's spiritual pressure rose until she couldn't ignore it any longer. It was burning beneath her skin, itching, longing to be released. Her fingers flexed on the hilts of her swords, and her breathing grew ragged. Her concentration focused on containing her power, she let her guard down, and Ikakku easily seized the opening, knocking Sakura's duel Zanpakuto from her hands and pinning her to a nearby tree by the throat.

His body pressed against hers, making it impossible for her to kick at him, and his forearm pressed against her throat so tightly that she couldn't swallow. Wide, violet eyes raged into his own.

"Stop holding back, Sakura."

She shook her head as best she could, mouth open as she gasped for air, the pressure on her throat making it hard to breathe.

"Are you afraid you're going to kill me?" That demonic smile of his was mocking her. He was so close that she was engulfed by his scent, and presence. Her senses were on fire now, as her spiritual pressure rose, and she could see every detail of his face; feel every muscle of his body pressed to hers.

Deep within her, something stirred. Her breathing deepened, and her hands balled into fists as she fought down the desire to rip into him with everything she had.

"Don't fight it." He was so close now that his lips were almost brushing against her own as he talked.

"What's the worst that can happen? You'll kill me?" He sneered. "I won't be killed by the likes of you, Sakura Takahashi. But," his eyes gleamed, the red markings beside them seeming in the low light to leech into his eyes, "if you're worried, maybe I should make it easier for you."

Sakura narrowed her eyes, still wrestling with the fear and desire that filled her in equal measures.

"Maybe I should just kill you."

Perhaps it was the threat of death, or the humiliation of being so totally caught, but Sakura made a decision. Steeling herself mentally, her body went suddenly limp, head hanging forwards until her forehead rested against Ikakku's.

It seemed like the world held its breath and then the clearing exploded with light. Ikakku was flung backwards, sword and sheath coming up in a cross before him to protect himself from the spirit energy that blasted out from Sakura in red and white waves. When the light dimmed enough for him to see, leaving spots dancing across his vision, Sakura had vanished. The merest whisper of noise behind him made him turn just in time to parry a vicious attack.

Now, lit by her spirit energy, Sakura moved with ease and precision. Every move was fast and aggressive, and she seemed to care little for her own safety, deflecting oncoming attacks as if they were an inconvenience. Ikakku parried a particularly vicious attack and grinned widely.

"You're still holding back, Sakura!"

She roared, racing towards him, bringing her swords down in a powerful swing. He brought his own Zanpakuto up and she noticed that it had changed into a spear with a wax wood shaft. She hadn't even heard him release it, she'd been so filled with rage and the need to strike him. Their arms shook as they both struggled for the upper hand; Zanpakutos pushed against each.

Ikakku lashed out with practised ease and Sakura was forced to roll away. The glow surrounding her was intensifying, and Ikakku watched it with a feral grin.

"Isn't this fun, Sakura?" He lunged at her, they fought once more, weapons clashing brutally.

"Don't tell me you're not enjoying this!"

She didn't respond, merely flew at him once more, kimono trailing out behind her. The moon was visible now, lighting up the inky night with a gentle, crystalline glow. It glinted off Ikakku's head and the violet of Sakura's eyes.

Ikakku sliced at her, catching her on her left shoulder, creating a wound that was a mirror of the one on her right.

"Stop holding back, Sakura! Do not insult me like this!"

He slashed at her again and again, and Sakura realised a fraction too late that his Zanpakuto was actually a three sectioned staff in this form, the end of it swinging up towards her face. She barely somersaulted out of harms way, panting with the effort.

"Stop being so afraid!" He roared at her, expression fierce, muscles bulging as he put all his effort into his oncoming strike.

The scar at the base of Sakura's throat began to burn, and emotions she'd been suppressing out of shame and fear grew inside her chest until holding them back wasn't an option any more.

She roared with rage and terror, and released the full force of her spirit energy.


	8. Chapter 8

Sakura came to, finding herself lying on the cool grass, a large full moon hanging in the sky above her. She turned her head, her body feeling oddly light and relaxed, and saw Ikakku seated a little to her right. The top of his Shinigami robe was shredded, and the bare skin of his chest and face were covered in an odd looking paste.

Noticing her gaze, he turned to her, dipping his fingers into the hilt of his Zanpakuto.

"It's an ointment. Stops the blood flow." He smeared it across a livid cut on his cheek.

Sakura smiled.

"I got you, huh?"

He looked at her as if surprised, and then that feral smile snaked across his face.

"Barely."

Sakura stretched out her arms to the side until she was completely spread out across the grass. She watched the stars twinkling in the sky and realised that a stupidly huge grin was stretched across her face.

"No one died," she whispered, so quietly that Ikakku almost didn't hear it.

"You should enter every battle prepared to die." He, too, looked up at the sky, one arm rested on his knee. "If you survive, consider yourself lucky."

The world seemed to sharpen for Sakura as she lay there on the cool ground, watching the stars above her, letting the emotions she'd suppressed flow through her. Things felt clearer now that the fear she'd been carrying with her had been lifted.

She jumped to her feet, looking for her duel Zanpakuto. She found them lying a little way away from her, almost hidden by the grass. She collected them, feeling the reassuring weight of her weapons in her palm, before sheathing them. She turned to Ikakku who had risen now, the considerable muscles of his torso gleaming in the moonlight.

"You knew, didn't you?"

She thought about how he'd pushed her. She almost asked 'why' and then remembered what he had said to her the first time they'd fought. There is no reason other than that you desire to fight.

Looking at the man before her, with his strange eye markings, fierce expression, and shiny bald head, Sakura stepped forwards and kissed him, her arms going around his neck so that he couldn't pull away.

She stepped back, glanced at his face, and started to laugh. He scowled. Sakura gazed up at the sky and laughed until she could barely breathe. Then, turning to wave happily at the confused Ikakku, she ran off, racing across the grass in a series of flash-steps until she vanished from view.

Barely an hour later, she stood before her father's house, gazing up at the wide double doors. Quietly, she slipped inside, hoping to avoid the over-exuberant 3rd seat Shinigamis. When she came to her father's study, she was relieved to see a light inside and knocked quietly.

"Enter!" He called, and she stepped inside, closing the door softly behind her.

Jushiro Ukitake gazed at his daughter, his eyes widening as he took in her ripped kimono, damaged shoulders, and the blood that stained her white hair scarlet and dripped from her pale fingers. He stood, rushing towards her and gently taking hold of her arms.

"Let me send for the 4th division."

She smiled at him and her face was so serene and peaceful that he paused, his worry halted by curiosity.

"Sakura?"

"It's nothing." She shook her head, still smiling. "I don't even feel the pain."

"Even so," a frown creased the handsome Captain's pale face, "we should still see to your wounds."

She shrugged as if saying he could do what he wished, and he gently eased her onto a nearby seat and set about treating her injuries. She watched his pale hands move with skill and assurance in silence, and when he was finished, she made him sit next to her and then she spoke.

She told him about her childhood; about the foster families she'd been passed to time and time again; about her loneliness and fear of her own powers. She told him about what she'd learned about her mother, and what she had come to believe about him. She relayed the hatred that her pushed her forever onwards, had almost tempted her to give in to Kariya and destroy all of Soul Society in an instant. She spoke of Ichigo and what she'd learned from him; of Uryu, Orihime, Chad, the four modified souls. She told him about how Urahara had taken her in, and how she'd felt like she had a family for the very first time. And she spoke of Renji, how she'd healed him, the feelings she thought she'd had for him, and the realisation that there was nothing there but friendship.

Most of all she told him about fear and vengeance. She tried to make him understand how much it was a part of her, how it forever threatened to consume her. She spoke of how lost she'd felt when she'd realised that everything she thought she knew about her father had been a lie; how, with no one left to avenge, she'd been rudderless, as adrift as a leaf floating down stream. She touched the livid scar on her throat and spoke of a fear that made her fight against her power, instead of allowing it to be a part of her; allowing herself to use it.

When she'd finally finished, Ukitake looked at her with eyes darkened by an expression she couldn't read, and then he took her hand and led her out of his house. In a series of flash-steps, moving impossibly fast across the moonlit ground, they went across Seireitei, passed the huge physical and spiritual barrier that surrounded it, and through Rukongai until they reached a large forest. Inside, within a clearing, was a small abandoned town, the tiny buildings half destroyed now, their stone walls crumbling and wooden roofs rotting. Plants grew among the debris.

To the side of the lonely buildings was a courtyard filled with blossoming trees. It was beautifully kept, a small oasis in a wild, forgotten place. There was a single grave in the very centre of the space amongst the trees. Small lanterns hung from the trees boughs and Ukitake lit them until their soft glow fell on the pale tombstone. Sakura, whose eyes had been fixed on the grave as soon as she had noticed it, read the words and lowered her head, too overcome to speak.

Ukitake stood behind her, close enough to touch her, though he did not. She could feel the warmth of him against her trembling back.

"I had a small stone erected when I was first told she had died. When Kyoraku finally told me the truth about what happened to Akane, to you, I had him show me where she was murdered, and erected this grave in her honour."

The breeze whistled through the trees.

"I never forgot her, Sakura." His voice was barely a whisper.

Turning, Sakura buried her face in her father's chest and allowed herself to cry for the mother she missed every single day. His arms went around her, and they stood together beneath the trees.


	9. Chapter 9

Weeks passed. Sakura attended every lesson, every training session, and sparred with Ikakku every night. In the evenings, she and Matsumoto went drinking, sitting up with the other vice-captains and high ranking Shinigami whilst they talked and laughed and teased each other until the tensions of the day were forgotten.

Words were exchanged behind doors that were closed to her, and soon Sakura found herself being inducted into the 11th Division of the thirteen squads. Vice-captain Izuru Kira smiled warmly at her when he told her the news and, in a fit of delight, Sakura threw her arms around him, making him laugh.

The captain of the 11th Division, Kenpachi Zeraki, his small vice-captain perched in her usual position on his shoulder, had said only one thing to her, his huge, muscled and scarred body, and fierce expression making Sakura feel distinctly awed.

"When you surpass Ikakku Madarame then you shall fight me." His grin was wide, feral, terrifying. "And we shall have some fun."

She'd bowed low and that had been that. The squad members slapped her on the back, and she'd smiled until her cheeks ached. Ikakku had watched from the corner of the room, leaning nonchalantly against the wall. She'd beamed at him, her beautiful face alight with pleasure. He'd turned his face away, but she knew he was pleased.

When Renji Abarai next returned to Seireitei, he went in search of Sakura, only to find her usual room empty and dusty as if it had been unoccupied for sometime. He was still thinking about their stupid fight, and was now worried that perhaps his friend, who he knew had been struggling, had decided to give up on Soul Society and disappear without a word. It was the sort of stupid thing she'd do.

Worried and angry, Renji went to the 11th Division quarters that he knew so well and always seemed to gravitate to despite his position in the 6th Division. When he walked out after some time, he bumped into Rukia Kuchiki who was returning from her brother's house.

"Rukia, did you hear that Sakura has. . ." He was cut off by someone calling his name.

Sakura stood out in the 11th Division large courtyard, waving at the pair from beneath a tall tree covered in paper lanterns, which fluttered in the gentle breeze. She ran towards them, embracing Renji in a warm hug and kissing his cheek, before doing the same to Rukia who was surprised, yet pleased, by the warmth of her greeting.

"It's great to see you both!" Sakura beamed at them, and Renji stared at her with his mouth open.

It was clearly Sakura with her long white hair and pretty violet eyes but everything about her had changed. She wasn't quiet and reticent with a worried expression that made her eyes clouded with thought like she had been when Renji last saw her, and she was no longer shirking Soul Society customs with her human world fashion. In fact, she was wearing the standard Shinigami uniform with a slight variation: instead of the white hosode and sash, Sakura wore her trademark red in honour of her dearly departed mother. The sleeves of her kimono were shorter than usual, too, showing off her slender, pale arms. Her long hair hung loose around her neck and shoulders. The effect was one of total elegance.

"You look great, Sakura." Rukia smiled warmly up at the taller woman, and Sakura grinned back.

"Thanks. I think this life is starting to agree with me." She winked at Renji.

"Is it true you're part of the 11th division now?" The crimson-haired man asked, eyes fixed on her face.

"Yup! I'm one of Zeraki's soldiers now." There was a joking tone to her voice but it was underlined with steely pride.

"Congratulations!" Rukia hugged the taller woman once more, and Sakura gave the petite Shinigami a gentle squeeze.

Renji seemed a little shell-shocked.

"Your room was empty; you staying here now?"

Sakura nodded. "Kind of. I have a room here but I spent most of my time with my father."

Renji, who didn't think he could be even more surprised, felt his mouth drop open.

"You're staying with Captain Ukitake? You're talking to him now?"

Sakura laughed and punched her friend on the arm.

"Yes. A lot has changed."

A slow, wide grin spread over Renji's attractive, tattooed face, and then he grabbed Sakura and lifted her up into a fierce bear-hug that took her breath away, and she thought to herself that _this_ is how friends touch, and her heart felt light and at ease.

When the tall Shinigami finally released her, he insisted on knowing everything that had happened during his absence, and Sakura was only too pleased to tell him. The three of them sat in the courtyard, and Sakura asked after Ichigo and her friends in the human world and felt like she might burst with joy.

"I should come visit you sometime. I actually miss that bastard Urahara."

Renji laughed. "That's impossible."

"Shut up, you." She grinned at him, and the look was a little fierce. Renji shook his head. She certainly seemed to be fitting in with the battle-loving 11th Division.

"You know," he began, his voice a little sly, "you're following in my footsteps now. Ikakku was my senpai, as well."

"I know." Sakura's voice was equally sly. "He told me all about it, Renji."

Something about the way she spoke made Renji sit up and look at her. "What exactly did he say?"

"Oh," the young woman waved a hand, "nothing embarrassing I'm sure. Although, he did tell me about that time when you and the young blonde from squad 9 did that thing where you. . ."

His hand clamped over her mouth and he flashed a pained grin at Rukia.

"She's babbling. Shut _up,_Sakura!"

Sakura elbowed Renji in the stomach and tackled him to the ground.

"Don't be shy, Renji! Tell Rukia what happened!"

"SHUT UP!"

The two tussled, Sakura still teasing her friend who was so easy to rile. Rukia watched the two, laughing uproariously.

A shadow fell over the small group, and they looked up into the faces of Yumichika Ayasegawa and Ikakku Madarame. Sakura, who was currently sitting on an indignant Renji's chest, beamed up at them.

"Hi guys."

Yumichiki shook his head, beautiful face pinched in an expression of tired displeasure.

"They'll let anyone into this division today. Have some dignity, little Sakura."

She laughed, used to his teasing.

"Don't be jealous, Yumichika."

"Jealous?" he quirked an eyebrow, colourful feather adornments fluttering in the breeze.

"Don't be jealous that I've surpassed you as the most beautiful member of the division."

He narrowed his eyes.

"Impossible."

Sakura jumped off the recumbent Renji, and walked to the squad's building, throwing open the doors and yelling at the people inside.

"Hey! Listen up! Who would you boys rather spend time with: me, or the beautiful Yumichika?"

A chorus of "you, Sakura!" accompanied with wolf whistles and a few propositions filled the courtyard, and Rukia and Renji laughed at Yumichiki's outraged expression.

He sniffed as Sakura returned to the group.

"That doesn't mean you're more beautiful."

"You're right," she grinned at him and patted his cheek, "how could I surpass such elegance?"

The regal narcissist swatted her hand away.

"You're a pest, Sakura."

"Aww, Yumichika, why do you hurt those who love you?"

Renji watched the two bickering with a smile on his face. Ikakku came and sat beside him.

"I can't quite believe it." Renji's voice was filled with something close to awe.

Ikakku shrugged. "She's strong, fierce. She loves to fight. She belongs here."

"Yes." Renji watched her as she tried to fuss with Yumichika's hair, much to his displeasure. He looked sharply at his most respected friend.

"How is she doing? Really?"

Ikakku smiled, eyes closed, before glancing at Renji.

"She's been assigned the 7th seat, and is aiming for the fourth, since Yumichika still refuses it."

Renji shook his head, still smiling. "Madness."

Ikakku stood.

"You coming drinking tonight. Abarai?"

He nodded. "I have to report in to Byakuya but I'll be back later."

The fierce bald man nodded and headed off, Yumichika following him. Sakura watched the pair starting to leave, and turned back to her friends.

"Later, guys! Stop by again tonight, okay? Matsumoto and I have come up with drink that'll knock you into next week."

She waved and went after her squad members, leaving Renji and Rukia to enjoy the beautiful day together.

Ikakku and Yumichika were gone from sight when she entered the main building. She walked along the wooden corridors, thinking about her friends back in the human world and how much she missed them. Maybe she really would go back and see Urahara. . . .

Strong arms reached out from a nearby doorway and grabbed Sakura around the waist, pulling her inside and against a strong body she knew so well. She laughed, the happy noise cut off when familiar lips covered her own, taking her breath away in a fierce kiss. Her arms went around Ikakku's neck as she allowed him to pull her into his room.

She was definitely beginning to fit in here.


End file.
